No Funny Money

...or shoes.

Please do not enter, please do not take our steaks.

I'm in the backroom at work filling up bottles of cleaner when all the sudden I hear this woman's voice asking, "Do you guys have any Easter eggs back here or is all you have already out front?" Then I hear one of my co-workers, Chris, say, "Yeah, every thing we have is already out front." I'm thinking, what in the sam hill... and peek around the corner. I see Chris looking at me mouthing "what the @&#$?!" and I start cracking up. "Did a customer just walk back here?!" I ask. "YES! I'm tellin' you, I've been seeing some crazy stuff lately... like a couple days ago, it was like 11 at night and I see this guy go around the meat counter and just straight help himself to a steak. I saw him walk out of the store holding a raw piece of steak and give it to his dog. I'm not even kidding. He took a steak, gave it to his dog and then took a picture. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen."

Have any good shop lifting stories, or stories of customers helping themselves to the backroom or other "employee only" places?

Gingers and Why They Can't Be Trusted.

I’m working at the coffee shop, and this forty-something red-head comes in;

LADY: I just want a black coffee.
ME: Okay.  What size?
L: Big.
M: Okay (entering order) Big… black…
L: Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
M: … (Pause to think of other words I may have confused with what she said… none.  Finish ringing order.)

Submitted by: Adrian

Juicin' it up

This customer always comes in and tells me, "You still got the juice!" and sometimes it's even accompanied by a hand shake. I have no idea what he's talking about, because he says it like it's our inside joke, so I just respond with, "I still got it!"

T.P. Doesn't stand for "Totally Polite"

Cashier hands customer receipt. Customer, "you can put that receipt in the bathroom. Use it as toiletpaper."

Aaaaaaallright, sir. You have a great day.

Oh, the botany!

The other day I'm outside doing my usual cart round-up, and walk over to a couple that looks done with their cart so I can take it from them. The man, though, does not see me walk up nor hears me say, "I can take that for you, sir" and proceeds to try and lift the entire basket into a planter. He cannot get the entire cart into the planter because there are, oddly enough, plants in it. "Sir, I can get that for you..." I plead as he rams his cart into the plant over and over, completely annihilating it, and I stand there in awe. The wife finally interjects, "Honey! Stop! She wants to get the cart!" He stops his plant massacre and turns around, "oh... okay." and let's go of the cart and walks away. "Sorry, he isn't all there," the wife jokes as an apology. Neither is the plant, I think to myself as I liberate the cart from the planter and walk it back to the safety of the cart corral.... neither is the plant.

Well, at least they have good orange chicken

Cashier: Hi, how are you doing?
Customer: Good, how are you?
Cashier: I'm burning up, actually. It's so hot in here! I think they have the heater on.
Customer: Well that makes about as much sense as Chinese music.

Listen...

Guy on his phone: "Listen, what kind of milk to you want? ...Listen, what time are you leaving? ...Listen, do you know how to drive stick?"


Nothing about this guy's conversation flowed or made sense. There wasn't a clear train of thought within 5 feet of him. But listen, sometimes that's just how it is.

Happy Monday!

The Doctor Is IN!

re·tail

–noun

1.

the sale of goods to ultimate consumers, usually in small quantities. 

According to the Webster's dictionary, retail means the sale of goods to a consumer. But those who have ever worked in retail, know that word encompasses so much more than just the sale of goods. Retail means customers, long hours, short breaks, weekend, nights, holidays, sales, holiday sales, after-holiday sales, ringing up, checking out, setting up, putting back, re-folding, re-facing, re-stocking, re-gretting. 

I've worked in retail for the past 8 years of my life, but I knew the tales of it far longer than that. The stories I heard from my parents, and my friend's parents, and their friend's parents. Almost everyone has worked a retail job at least once in their life, and everyone has a story to tell. Some are funny, some are sad, some are weird and some are just plain unbelievable. After every single one of my shifts, I come home with a tale. Little or big, exciting or not, there is still a story to tell. 


This is where they will be told. Look at it as therapy: a place to share and discuss,  to nod your head while saying to yourself, "yes! I totally know what that's like!" So take off your uniform, throw away your name badge, and check your customer service at the door, cause it's about to get real... and because there's a cleanup on aisle 5.


Dr. Foxtrot